i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
