I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
