im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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