Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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