i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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