Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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