Buhtt sex?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
