She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
