The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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