She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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