i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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