Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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