I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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