he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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