Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
