if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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