I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
