Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it because I queefed?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
