oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
