How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
