okay pat passed out under dana's car
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
