You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
