One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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