Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
