he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
