someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
