I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do vagina's smell?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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