I am puke
only you would photoshop your dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
