All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
