The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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