even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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