if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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