I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't put those talents on a resume
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
