I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
