I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
