What a fucking waste of an outfit
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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