Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
