Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
