i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
