you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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