i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
