grandma shit on top of the toilet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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