when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
did i just pee glitter
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
