summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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