On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
