Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
