wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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