My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
