Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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