What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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