He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
