Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
